Well, this post may be a bit late for the start of the NFL and Champion’s League (as in two weeks and one game into the respective seasons) but that’s better than never. Here are the teams from each division, matched according to club history, star player similarities, and in some cases. uniform color.

The Oakland Raiders are…..Dinamo Zagreb (Croatia)

• Dinamo Zagreb are a Croatian team, best know for the fact that they are, well, Croatian. The Raiders are certainly a known commodity to anyone reading this, so I’ll skip their introduction.
• The clubs are similar mainly for the rabid enthusiastic fan bases. Raiders fans are notorious for dressing like the product of 5th grade nightmares, most likely to distract television viewers from the fact that they play on the last dual sport field in the NFL. Quite frankly I’d also have a chip  on my shoulder (or in this case, spikes) if I had to watch my quarterback get tackled behind 2nd base for half of the season. Meanwhile, supporters of Dinamo Zagreb are referred to as the “Bad Blue Boys”, apparently in reference to a Sean Penn movie (really). The group is among the craziest in the Champions League, and was sited by the Bleacher Report as one of the 16 fan groups you wouldn’t want to mess with. Add to that the fact that many of these fans served in the Croatian army, and you’ve got a great match between the Bad Blue Boys and the Black Hole.

The San Diego Chargers are…. FC Porto (Portugal)

• Both these teams from the respective Southwest of their divisions. After that, the similarities sort of dry up. FC Porto has actually won the Champions League twice, while Charger fans have no silverware to fondly look back on.
• One thing to remember about FC Porto, their best player is named Hulk. One name, like Madonna. Which reminds me, I’d love to see a Brazilian rock the single name in an American sports league. Only Hehateme could touch that name.

The Kansas City Chiefs are… Dynamo Kiev (Ukraine)

• We don’t often turn our attention to Ukraine, unless it’s to make a joke about “Hostel” or Nuclear Fallout. Similarly Kansas City doesn’t get a lot of love except when people look out of their airplane windows on the flight to one of the coasts. That being said, both locations are on the rise. Kansas City is now deemed the “Silicon Prairie”, thanks in large part to Google Fiber, and Ukraine is a now slightly less scary place to visit, due to the cleanups made prior to Euro 2012 (which Ukraine co-hosted).
• Neither of these teams will make the playoffs, so I guess there’s that.

The Denver Broncos are…Paris Saint-Germain (France)

• Finally, we reach the heavyweights. Both Denver and PSG are the hot commodities in their groups. The Broncos are headlining thank to the acquisition of Peyton Manning, perhaps the most recognized football player in America. PSG meanwhile have Zlatan Imbrahimovic, a footballer (different than a football player) who is superbly skilled and incredibly toxic as a teammate. Zlatan is part of a spending spree put on by PSGs new Qatari owners, while Peyton certainly didn’t come cheaply to the Broncos.

Hopefully this will give Broncos, Chiefs, Raiders, and Chargers fans a random team to throw their hat in the ring with. If not, at least you’ll know that PSG is a good sleeper team in FIFA.